Always a Bridesmaid Page 28

  She didn’t know if he was going to be there when she got to the house. If she stayed with him, would she always have that feeling when she came home from a trip? Or if he was a little late coming home from work? She couldn’t make him want the same things she wanted, and as long as he didn’t, she’d always wonder when the other shoe was going to drop.

  She didn’t want that.

  But she couldn’t break up with him before the wedding. She wouldn’t do that to Sidney.

  But neither could she go home and pretend everything was the same.

  She kept going, past the turn-off to Max’s house, all the way to Santa Barbara, until she landed on Angie’s doorstep. She listened through the door to the stately chime of the doorbell and for the familiar sound of her sister’s heels clacking over the marble tiles in the foyer. The sound was so Angie—pearls and heels even in her own home on a Sunday night. It had always sounded like perfection to Parvati before, but maybe that was more of the poisoning her own mind that Anna had mentioned.

  She’d spent her childhood—hell, her entire life—trying to be good enough for her family. It had made her into the pleaser she was—the one who had almost convinced herself to stay with Perfect-on-Paper Parker. She didn’t know how to be around her sisters without feeling like she needed to be doing everything she could to earn their affection—but was that them? Or was it her? She’d always worried that she wasn’t good enough and tried to please everyone so no one would notice, but in the last few years the weight of that had gotten too heavy and she’d started to resent it. And the only thing she could think of to get herself to stop feeling bitter about trying to earn their love all the time was to just be honest, like Anna had been, even when it didn’t paint her in a particularly flattering light.

  The door opened without a squeak. “Parvati.” Surprise coated her sister’s voice.

  “Hey, Angie. Can we talk?”

  Angie looked startled by the request, but she only hesitated a moment before opening the door all the way. “Of course.”

  She led the way into the front sitting room, waving Parvati to one of the designer love seats before perching on the edge of an armchair. “Can I get you anything to drink? Tea? Coffee?”

  “No. I’m good. Thanks.” Parvati twisted her hands in her lap, suddenly wondering if this was such a good idea after all. She’d wanted to do something to shake up the pattern she’d fallen into with Angie, but what if they just couldn’t change? What if the old awkwardness was too ingrained? “I have a favor to ask, actually. I was wondering if I could stay here next week.”

  Angie blinked. “Oh.”

  “I’m going to need a new apartment,” Parvati explained. “I’m going to ask Mom and Dad to cosign with me, since I’m pretty broke right now—Common Grounds pretty much drained all my savings before it went under.”

  Angie’s eyes widened and she repeated, “Oh.”

  “Yeah. Turns out I pretty much suck at business. Who knew? Well. I knew. But I tried to hide it from everyone else. It felt too much like admitting I was the defective daughter. The one who couldn’t be successful. But I want you guys to know me. Not the person I’m trying to pretend to be. So I’m going with honesty. And the honest truth is I need someplace to stay next week because I’m going to break up with the man I love and I can’t live in his house anymore after I do.”

  Angie blinked and this time Parvati was tempted to say it with her, “Oh.”

  “So can I stay here?”

  Angie paused a beat, the moment stretching before she shook herself and her businesslike approach fell back into place. “Of course. You can have Katie’s room. What are you going to do?”

  “The same thing I’ve been doing, actually. I’ll just be living somewhere else.”

  Angie frowned and Parvati tried not to shrink in the face of the judgment that kindled in her eyes. “Is that really what you want? Icing cakes and answering phones forever? If you need help starting a new business, Kevin and I could—”

  “No. I don’t want help. And yes. That is what I really want. I think maybe my definition of success isn’t going to be about achievement. I’m still figuring out what it is, but I think what really matters to me are the people in my life. So my friends and loved ones being able to depend on me will be my success. I think I want to be that girl. And maybe I’ll always be a little broke, but I think I won’t mind that so much as long as I know what really matters to me. My friends. And you guys.”

  Angie pursed her lips for a long moment and Parvati braced herself, but the words, when they came, were the last ones she’d expected. “I wish I could be more like you.”

  “Seriously?”

  “You wouldn’t believe how many times Katie yelled at me when we were planning her wedding. All I could think about was how it had to be perfect and be what people expected, but Katie would have been happy going to City Hall.”

  “No, she wouldn’t. She wanted the big wedding too.”

  “I guess. I just wish I’d worried less about what people thought.”

  “I worry about that too,” Parv confessed. “Why do you think I hid the fact that my business was failing for years? I didn’t want you guys to think I was the loser sister who couldn’t live up to the Jai family name.”

  “Are you kidding? Everyone loves you. They think I’m a bossy annoying bitch.”

  “Well, you are bossy.”

  Angie glared at her. “Shut up. Brat.”

  Parvati grinned, her sister matching it before she sobered. “So you’re in love?”

  Parv groaned. “With Max.”

  “Devi ratted you out after Katie’s wedding.”

  “Yeah. I thought she might.”

  “And you’re ending it?”

  Parv was impressed that Angie didn’t call her an idiot. She just implied it with her tone.

  “He doesn’t do commitment. He’s my best friend and I’m head over heels for him, but if I stayed I would always be wondering when he was going to get bored, sell everything and run off to Asia for a year.”

  Angie nodded, but her expression stayed guarded.

  “What?” Parvati prompted—not quite snapping, though it was a close call.

  “What if he doesn’t?”

  ”You’re telling me to make a decision with my heart instead of my head? Are you feeling okay?”

  “I don’t know. Sometimes people surprise you. I never would have predicted that you would come here and tell me anything about your life, let alone ask for help and advice.”

  “I didn’t technically ask for advice.”

  Angie shrugged. “You’re getting it anyway. I’m your big sister. It’s my job to steer you.”

  “I’m not a horse.”

  “No, you’re a mule. Stubborn as one. I’m just saying maybe you should give this guy a chance. I would have known you were nuts about him even if Asha hadn’t told me. I’ve never seen you look at anyone the way you look at him.”

  “Which is why it’s going to kill me when he walks away.”

  “And if he wouldn’t?”

  “That’s easy for you to say. You’ve been married for twenty years.”

  “You think being married for twenty years means I always know he loves me? You think I never wonder if he’s going to decide I’m too much of a pain in the ass and finally come to his senses and leave me?”

  “Angie. Kevin’s crazy about you.”

  “I know. And I wonder every day how that happened. Who made a mistake and made someone that great fall for someone as anal and high strung as me? I constantly nag at him and I see myself doing it and I can’t stop. I just can’t. Does it matter if he leaves dirty socks underneath the couch? No. Do I want to kill him when he does it no matter how many times I ask him to be a civilized human being and put them in the goddamn hamper? So much. Marriage isn’t easy, Parv. It isn’t a guarantee. Do you know how much I envy you sometimes? That you got to spend your twenties without anyone hanging off you with snot running down their nose ask
ing when dinner was?”

  “I always thought your life was perfect.”

  “Everyone’s life is perfect from the outside.” She waved around her flawless sitting room. “Welcome to imperfection.”

  Parvati looked from the curtains to the perfectly coordinated rug. “I think I like imperfection better.” She met her sister’s eyes. “It’s nice to meet you, Angie.”

  Her sister smiled. “Nice to meet you, Parv.”

  * * * * *

  Max called as she was driving home.

  “Hey. Where are you? I thought you guys were getting in hours ago.”

  “We were. We did, actually. Sorry. I should have called. I went to go see Angie.”

  “In Santa Barbara?”

  “Yeah. I’m on my way back now. Will you still be awake in half an hour?”

  “I haven’t seen you in days. I wasn’t planning to sleep anytime soon.”

  “Good.” Because neither was she. They had an expiration date now. After the wedding, she was going to end things. But between now and then she was going to live every second like it was their last.

  Because all too soon, it would be.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  It was a horrible day for a wedding.

  The wind started at dawn, blowing over the decorations that had already been set up. The first rain shower came through around mid-morning, drenching everything that hadn’t been blown loose.

  Sidney had been in dictator mode all week, directing the last minute preparations with an iron fist and a barely concealed note of panic in her voice, so Parvati braced herself to witness full-on Bridezilla when she arrived at the resort where the wedding was being held on Saturday morning to get ready. But when she walked into the suite where the bridal party was gathering, she found Sidney gazing out the window at the torrential downpour with a serene expression.

  Parv would have suspected Tori had slipped her a valium, but Tori was watching Sidney like a zookeeper watching a feral tiger who just happened to be sleeping peacefully. Parvati set down the bag with her bridesmaid dress and shoes and crept over to stand beside Tori, careful not to draw the attention of the tiger.

  “How is she?” she whispered.

  “She seems good,” Tori murmured back, a note of wonder in her voice. “One of the floral arrangements flew across the back lawn like a javelin and stabbed into the side of the tent protecting the altar and she actually laughed.”

  Not the reaction Parvati would have expected from the Wedding Martinet, but Sidney was actually smiling as she gazed out at the freak storm. She tried a careful, “Hey, Sid.”

  Sidney turned away from the window with a grin. “Hi, Parv. Isn’t it wonderful?”

  “Wonderful?”

  Sidney beamed. “We’re going to the rain plan—which is perfectly lovely in its own way—but everyone knew we were planning it outdoors, so instead of me worrying about everyone judging every single one of my choices, everyone is going to be marveling at this crazy storm and how prepared we were that we had a complete back-up plan for rain even though it’s Eden and it almost never rains like this. It’s like God wanted me to relax on my wedding day so he sent a flood.”

  Parv wasn’t going to argue with that. Her main wish for Sidney today was that she was actually able to relax enough to enjoy her own wedding. If the storm could do that, more power to it.

  As if to emphasize the point, the wind rattled the window panes and Sidney giggled. “Come on. Time for manicures.”

  The pampering ritual took hours. Mani-pedis, hair, makeup. By the time they were all primped, powdered, and dressed there was only an hour until the guests were scheduled to begin arriving, just enough time for a few bridal-party-only pictures. Parvati found herself wondering if the elaborate grooming rituals were designed to keep the bride so busy she couldn’t freak out. It echoed the henna rituals in Indian ceremonies—did every culture have a way to distract the bride before the big moment?

  Then Sidney was in her dress—a gorgeous fit and flare with a long train for Parvati to maneuver, since Tori couldn’t bend down far enough to help adjust it—and Max was there in his charcoal tails, looking entirely too handsome as he got ready to walk Sidney down the aisle, and suddenly everything was moving at warp speed.

  She blinked and the processional music was starting.

  A heartbeat later Max was handing Sidney over to Josh.

  They were saying their vows and there wasn’t a dry eye in the house when Sidney choked up on hers—but Parv didn’t cry, she felt like she didn’t have time. The moment was already past her.

  The recessional. More pictures. Dinner. Toasts—she’d rehearsed hers, and the words all came out in the right order, but that feeling refused to go away, like the evening was rushing past her and she couldn’t get a grip on any single moment.

  Then they were dancing—the first dance, Shout and YMCA, As Time Goes By and At Last. Max was there, pulling her onto the floor, as smooth as silk—

  And suddenly the world slowed down. His hand in hers, the swell of violins, the shuffle of feet across the dance floor, the muscle of his shoulder beneath her palm…the moment stretched out and she wanted to hold onto it, terrified of letting it go.

  “You didn’t cry at this one,” Max commented as they swayed. “I had my pocket square all ready, but you didn’t even sniffle.”

  “I guess I’ve changed,” she replied, realizing the truth in the words. She felt different somehow. More mature. Like all her dreams of the perfect man and the perfect relationship were finally ready to cede to reality.

  “And here I thought you’d always be a romantic.”

  “I am. But maybe I’m a more realistic one now.”

  She’d focused on the wedding for the last week, putting everything but Sidney out of her mind. It had been easy to do—there had been a million details to see to—but maybe it was time to face reality now.

  The reality that she needed to break up with Max if she was ever going to find the kind of love she wanted.

  She needed to move on with her life. With someone who would let her be his partner.

  She looked up at his perfect face. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

  His eyebrows arched. “Of course.”

  Parvati stopped dancing, catching Max’s hand and tugging him off the dance floor and toward the balcony before she remembered the storm outside and changed direction toward the stairs up to the interior balcony looking over the rest of the ballroom.

  The cake had already been cut. The reception was officially winding down. She didn’t have any more excuses for putting it off—and she needed to get out of the habit of putting off the big things when she knew they were coming. She needed to end it now.

  * * * * *

  Max half-jogged to keep up with Parvati, biting back a grin until he realized they weren’t sneaking off for illicit coatroom sex. She pulled him up the stairs and halfway around the balcony until they were able to look down on the reception below, but the music wasn’t so loud that they couldn’t talk easily.

  “What’s up?” he asked when she dropped his hand and pivoted to face him, something oddly tight about her expression. “You okay?”

  “I know I said I wasn’t expecting forever, but I deserve forever. I deserve someone who wants it as badly as I do.”

  The world slid sideways for half a moment before it stabilized—and when it did everything had shifted into an alignment more perfect than he could have predicted. They couldn’t be more on the same page. “I couldn’t agree more.”

  For the last few days all he’d been able to think about was forever—and how he wanted Parvati in his, no matter what it took. All day people had been repeatedly asking him when it was going to be his turn, when he was finally going to settle down, and he’d had to bite back the urge to tell them all he was ready now. He could get married tomorrow.

  He’d been at weddings before where people asked him when he was going to get married—they seemed to love asking single men t
hat question—and he’d always joked that guys like him didn’t get romantic at weddings, but now…with Parvati…

  He kept wanting to propose. He’d bought a little something on Wednesday when Sidney had asked him to pick up the wedding bands for her at the jeweler.

  The ring had been too perfect to pass up. Delicate white gold curls around a brilliant stone. It was Parvati’s ring. He’d known as soon as he saw it in the display case. So he bought it and figured he would just hold onto it for a few months until they were ready for that. He didn’t have it in his pocket—which was possibly the only thing keeping him from dropping to one knee. But it was locked in the glove compartment of his car. It would only take him a minute to get it.

  He probably would have proposed already, right there in the middle of the dance floor, if he hadn’t been trying to avoid stealing Sidney’s thunder on her wedding day. But this was perfect. Private, but still a place and a moment they would remember forever.

  “I know I’m changing the rules,” Parvati went on as if she hadn’t heard him. “I know that isn’t fair. I never want to ask you to change. I don’t think that’s what love is.”

  “I don’t want that either.” He didn’t want to change a thing about her.

  Parvati nodded, as if some conclusion had been reached. “Okay. So I guess that’s it. We’re breaking up.”

  “Exact—Wait. What?” Max backtracked through the conversation, trying to figure out what had just happened. “That wasn’t what I was talking about.”

  “I know things are good between us, but we want different things and ultimately isn’t it better to break up now rather than wait until we’re both even more invested?”

  “Who says we have to break up at all?” He’d been planning to propose. It hadn’t occurred to him that she wouldn’t say yes, let alone that she’d been planning their break-up.

  Parvati’s face closed off. “Max.”

  “What?”

  “You didn’t talk to me when you got the offer to buy out Elite Protection.”